i just realized, the reason i have such high expectations for a guy is because my dad is so great. he's the greatest man ever. and i guess in some way i compare any guy to some of the characteristics or traits that my dad has.
and the other thing i was thinking about was that, there was a study that showed that your personality is developed by the time your 6. that's crazy. my 2 year old cousin is running around naked...and to think in 4 years her personality will be defined. that's crazy. i've always been cheeky. but i think more so after high school. i definately get my sense of humour from my dad.
meh, random thought.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
in repair
i just finished writing out all my journal entries...and i sound so crazy!
i'm such a calm, stable and logical person...but reading all my previous posts if i was someone else reading this blog, i'd be like 'damn, she's crazy!'.
i just think when i'm emotional, i just have to let my thoughts out...and i also think i over think things a lot too. i think i'm very critical of things, family, friends, situations, myself. i'm glad i wrote all those things out, because looking back they do show my growth and just remind me of what i was going through.
but i just need to chill out by the sounds of it. my road trip is coming up, which i cannot wait for! i think it'll be an awesome experience. 6 days :)
i'm such a calm, stable and logical person...but reading all my previous posts if i was someone else reading this blog, i'd be like 'damn, she's crazy!'.
i just think when i'm emotional, i just have to let my thoughts out...and i also think i over think things a lot too. i think i'm very critical of things, family, friends, situations, myself. i'm glad i wrote all those things out, because looking back they do show my growth and just remind me of what i was going through.
but i just need to chill out by the sounds of it. my road trip is coming up, which i cannot wait for! i think it'll be an awesome experience. 6 days :)
August 23, 2006
everybody has their hero's, role models, icons. people who they strive to be like. people who they look up to and admire. but then there is the extreme opposite. people who you strive to not be like. and how messed up is it that that person for me is my mom. its pissing me off more now then before. because its so obvious to me how phoney she is. but i can totally see where she gets it from. her mom! she does nothing all day but as soon as my dad getes home, she's a busy worker. my mom fronts like she does everything in the hosue when the reality is she doesn't do anything she's so inconsiderate it drives me nuts. expecting so much from us and giving nothing in return.
i strive not to be like her.
i strive not to be like her.
August 17, 2006
i hate that i still think about him. how retarded is that? we had nothing between us, but i still think about him and i don't even think about us being together which is strange now that i think about it. why do i care then? Hello! i know ever think about being together, but i still think about the potential. this has got to stop. i have better things to do. sometimes i wish i could meet someone else just to get my mind of stupid him. Blah.
I relaly hope something good is around the corner. somebody who's good for me. my first priority is getting done with university thought. second would be hooking up! The thing I want to change about myself is ego. I think based on pictures I tend to feel a certain way. I could stop taking pictures, but those memories wouldn't be remembered. but i want to feel good about myself without relying on other things. i want to give up fad diets and just eat healthy and be active. i know for a fact that will make me feel good.
I relaly hope something good is around the corner. somebody who's good for me. my first priority is getting done with university thought. second would be hooking up! The thing I want to change about myself is ego. I think based on pictures I tend to feel a certain way. I could stop taking pictures, but those memories wouldn't be remembered. but i want to feel good about myself without relying on other things. i want to give up fad diets and just eat healthy and be active. i know for a fact that will make me feel good.
August 11, 2006
its relatively easy to realize what your flaws are. i can feel it in me sometimes. like right as i'm doing it, i know i should stop but i don't. and the reason i don't is just a bad habit. i'm comfortable in who i've become and its hard to break though that even if its for the better. its easy to realize your faults but hard to correct them. i feel like i'm way too defensive. i can be lazy. and i'm super super rude to mom. and i think i have a lot of pent up reasons to be rude to her, but i still don't think she deserves it. its just like she says, just because other people don't know how to behave doesn't mean you shouldn't behave properly.
August 02, 2006
things i want to do this summer:
go horse back riding (done!)
JM concert (done!)
ROM
CNE (done!)
Niagara on the Lake (done!)
Bombay Dreams (done!)
Be a tourist in Toronto
Lose weight
East coast road trip (6 days left!)
go horse back riding (done!)
JM concert (done!)
ROM
CNE (done!)
Niagara on the Lake (done!)
Bombay Dreams (done!)
Be a tourist in Toronto
Lose weight
East coast road trip (6 days left!)
August 01, 2006
Its been a long time since i've had the chance to write. and its not because i've had nothing to write about, its because i haven't had any spare time.
D just got married and honestly indian weddings are good and bad. i love all the events, getting the family together...but i hate the politics that come along with it. and the other thing i realized from this wedding is that i need to vocally appreciate things, because honestly...everyone needs some acknowledgement for thing they do. i plan on having no BS at my wedding. small ceremony, huge party. keep my close family and friends close and make an effort to keep it that way.
people can be so sneaky. they sit around in the background but when they're on camera or in front of otehrs they'll put on an act so it seems like they're tight. when they're really not. i hate that. i hate fakeness. and i was so overswhelmed with it during the wedding. that's what gets me more then any of the other politics or formalities is when people are fake. i don't know why it gets to me so much. most people are just immune to it and accept that that's the way things work. but i refuse to accept it. whenever i have control, i will not force relationships. i will keep my life and my relationships real and genuine. and i will always keep those who relationships i cherish close to me. its 2:30am, my hand is tired.
Oh, but some things before i go:
i hate fakeness (CALI!)
i hate bragging
i hate clingyness
Be happy with what you have and your own accomplishments. don't compare up, as we always do and don't compare down to make yourself superior. focus on what is good in your life right now and appreciate just that.
D just got married and honestly indian weddings are good and bad. i love all the events, getting the family together...but i hate the politics that come along with it. and the other thing i realized from this wedding is that i need to vocally appreciate things, because honestly...everyone needs some acknowledgement for thing they do. i plan on having no BS at my wedding. small ceremony, huge party. keep my close family and friends close and make an effort to keep it that way.
people can be so sneaky. they sit around in the background but when they're on camera or in front of otehrs they'll put on an act so it seems like they're tight. when they're really not. i hate that. i hate fakeness. and i was so overswhelmed with it during the wedding. that's what gets me more then any of the other politics or formalities is when people are fake. i don't know why it gets to me so much. most people are just immune to it and accept that that's the way things work. but i refuse to accept it. whenever i have control, i will not force relationships. i will keep my life and my relationships real and genuine. and i will always keep those who relationships i cherish close to me. its 2:30am, my hand is tired.
Oh, but some things before i go:
i hate fakeness (CALI!)
i hate bragging
i hate clingyness
Be happy with what you have and your own accomplishments. don't compare up, as we always do and don't compare down to make yourself superior. focus on what is good in your life right now and appreciate just that.
June 22, 2006
officially not a clubber!
i hate clubbing and will no ever do it unless: i'm drunk or its a good friends birthday.
i like getting dressed up, i like feeling good about the way i look. i like drinking. but i hate clubbing. i hate dancing infront of others. i hate having to dance with other people. its funny how something that used to be such a huge part of your life earlier can be such an annoyance now.
i hate clubbing and will no ever do it unless: i'm drunk or its a good friends birthday.
i like getting dressed up, i like feeling good about the way i look. i like drinking. but i hate clubbing. i hate dancing infront of others. i hate having to dance with other people. its funny how something that used to be such a huge part of your life earlier can be such an annoyance now.
June 20, 2006
I am so aggitated right now. so many things are getting to me. primarily deed of course and mom. so lets get started with the latter.
i think everybody in life is looking or wants to be appreciated. i know she does and i know she's done a lot for me/us in our youth, like i totally totally know that, but i just have so many negative feelings about her. at the current moment the appreciation factore sure is there. she complains that the wedding is putting such a financial burden on the family and how i've done nothing. and that's just a classic example of my life. D give's her $1000, my mom totally acknowledges that and gives it back to her. on the other hand she forgets that i even gave her any money and she doesn't offer to pay me back. that kinda just makes me feel sad and nullifies my existance. everything that i does just slips between the cracks going totally unnoticed. story of my life.
when i think about it now, that really makes me sad. how can my mom never remember or credit me when i do anything. can my mom never remember or credit me when i do anything. how can she remember about D's money but not mine. any good i do goes unnoticed with her. its like she only wants to see the bad so she can harp on me. my goodness. and if i ever bring it up i will be labelled selfish. i will never win against her.
i will never be appreciated. i will never get any credit. i will never be able to state my case. not even fight for it. just state it because even that will always have negative connetations for me. i can't even say, hey fucktard, i give a lot to this family and i am an OK kid..i know her response. ok, in what way? you're lazy, money hungry, selfish, inconsiderate, non-apologetic, a liar and disrespectful. i'm what way are you ok? there are so many mum's out there who don't give a shit aobut their kids and i've give up work to take care of you.
YOU KNOW WHAT! You're selfish and lazy and a liar and incondiserate and non apologetic. you're everything you say i am. you take your faults and throw them onto me. you're lazy! you do nothing all day but talk on the phone. you never cook. you never clean, and then you complain. you don't get respect from me because you deserve any for me. you treat me like crap.
same goes for D. lets have a night to be tight with the new family. but let me steal him away so you don't get too close, but call him jeej!
i think everybody in life is looking or wants to be appreciated. i know she does and i know she's done a lot for me/us in our youth, like i totally totally know that, but i just have so many negative feelings about her. at the current moment the appreciation factore sure is there. she complains that the wedding is putting such a financial burden on the family and how i've done nothing. and that's just a classic example of my life. D give's her $1000, my mom totally acknowledges that and gives it back to her. on the other hand she forgets that i even gave her any money and she doesn't offer to pay me back. that kinda just makes me feel sad and nullifies my existance. everything that i does just slips between the cracks going totally unnoticed. story of my life.
when i think about it now, that really makes me sad. how can my mom never remember or credit me when i do anything. can my mom never remember or credit me when i do anything. how can she remember about D's money but not mine. any good i do goes unnoticed with her. its like she only wants to see the bad so she can harp on me. my goodness. and if i ever bring it up i will be labelled selfish. i will never win against her.
i will never be appreciated. i will never get any credit. i will never be able to state my case. not even fight for it. just state it because even that will always have negative connetations for me. i can't even say, hey fucktard, i give a lot to this family and i am an OK kid..i know her response. ok, in what way? you're lazy, money hungry, selfish, inconsiderate, non-apologetic, a liar and disrespectful. i'm what way are you ok? there are so many mum's out there who don't give a shit aobut their kids and i've give up work to take care of you.
YOU KNOW WHAT! You're selfish and lazy and a liar and incondiserate and non apologetic. you're everything you say i am. you take your faults and throw them onto me. you're lazy! you do nothing all day but talk on the phone. you never cook. you never clean, and then you complain. you don't get respect from me because you deserve any for me. you treat me like crap.
same goes for D. lets have a night to be tight with the new family. but let me steal him away so you don't get too close, but call him jeej!
June 09, 2006
oh how right you were.
i feel terrible. i didn't like. but i suppose keeping quiet was just as bad. i feel (and i know this is terrible of me to feel this way)...like she's plotting against me. trying to bring me down to something i'm not. always complaining about me in one way or another. i don't know why. but i feel like within the family she wants my reputation to be in the shits.
i feel terrible.
i feel terrible. i didn't like. but i suppose keeping quiet was just as bad. i feel (and i know this is terrible of me to feel this way)...like she's plotting against me. trying to bring me down to something i'm not. always complaining about me in one way or another. i don't know why. but i feel like within the family she wants my reputation to be in the shits.
i feel terrible.
June 07, 2006
It does hurt. i mean its not a major heart breaker or anything, but he seemed cool and decent. and he's not into me. but he was up until we met up. and its nothing i did. its because of the attraction factor. which i know shouldn't bum me out, but it does.
guys are simple, if they like you they make time for you. he's not. so he doesn't like me. that just kinda sucks and i feel slightly bummed about about it. i need to block and delete him, i don't want to make any sort of contact. this sucks.
guys are simple, if they like you they make time for you. he's not. so he doesn't like me. that just kinda sucks and i feel slightly bummed about about it. i need to block and delete him, i don't want to make any sort of contact. this sucks.
June 03, 2006
looking for fufillment in all the wrong places. wanting something just for the sake of having it. waiting for that validation, approval and acceptance. i feel like shit.
June 01, 2006
its weird how you ask for direction and you ask for people to come into your life who can make you a better person, i don't have high expectations...but i feel like its happening. have faith. just goes to show that the is listening.
May 29, 2006
i always feel so lost as to who i am and what i'm doing here. i feel like i still need to figure myself out. and i've always felt like i've struggled between cultures and between whats expected of me and what i actually want. i don't want to dissapoint my parents, but a lot of times i don't agree with what they say or what they want. and i find myself being very rude and defiant beacuse of that, and that's one aspect of myself that i really don't like. i don't think i'm as understanding as i should be. like understanding of anothers situation or circumstance. i don't know. all i know is that i can give a lot of attitude to my family and they least deserve.
i think the problem goes back to my whole thing about being genuine. and keeping all things in my life genuine, but you don't get to choose your family. and there's a lot of things that i don't like. they're more characteristics that i don't like. i don't like fakeness, showing off, honestly she kinda embodies what i don't want to be. hahaha! that is so true and i've never really made that connection before. she's fake, she always pities or feels sorry for herself, she's not a genuine person and those are all things i try not to have. but then at the same time if eel guilty for feeling that way about my mom and i find myself resenting her because of it, which i don't like. yeah, that's my problem. i resent her because of all the negatives. i need to focus on the good stuff and appreciate her because of that. but i still am trying to figure out who i am. i want to volunteer in a 3rd world country. and i want to visit old gurdwara's where the Sikh Guru's used to stay. i feel like i'm a religious person in some respects, i want to live a simple moral life. but i have a lot of room for improvement. i need to let go of my ego, and i need to stop looking at negatives, i need to not be so materialistic. and i know these things but i'm not ready to give them up. its like becoming a vegetarian. i never wanted to give up meat until one day i just couldn't eat it anymore. i feel like everything will have a time and place in my life and any step i take will be a genuine step when i am ready to be 100% committed. and i hope i can be with someone who will help me grow as a person.
i think the problem goes back to my whole thing about being genuine. and keeping all things in my life genuine, but you don't get to choose your family. and there's a lot of things that i don't like. they're more characteristics that i don't like. i don't like fakeness, showing off, honestly she kinda embodies what i don't want to be. hahaha! that is so true and i've never really made that connection before. she's fake, she always pities or feels sorry for herself, she's not a genuine person and those are all things i try not to have. but then at the same time if eel guilty for feeling that way about my mom and i find myself resenting her because of it, which i don't like. yeah, that's my problem. i resent her because of all the negatives. i need to focus on the good stuff and appreciate her because of that. but i still am trying to figure out who i am. i want to volunteer in a 3rd world country. and i want to visit old gurdwara's where the Sikh Guru's used to stay. i feel like i'm a religious person in some respects, i want to live a simple moral life. but i have a lot of room for improvement. i need to let go of my ego, and i need to stop looking at negatives, i need to not be so materialistic. and i know these things but i'm not ready to give them up. its like becoming a vegetarian. i never wanted to give up meat until one day i just couldn't eat it anymore. i feel like everything will have a time and place in my life and any step i take will be a genuine step when i am ready to be 100% committed. and i hope i can be with someone who will help me grow as a person.
May 30, 2006
i tend to think about a lot of stuff right before i sleep...so last night i was thinking about why i'm so hesitant about relationships. and i realized that because i've never been 'serious' with anyone i'm hesitant to home up unless i feel like the dude i'm with is the one. that's why i shut people down after a date or two, and that's why i've always been single. i can't open up to anyone unless i think there's huge potential for a long relationship, and that's why at this point i can't be arsed!
May 19, 2006
when there's absolutely no potential that's when i want a man. and whenever there is potential i'm so quick to write them off, finding flaws wherever i can. i'm such a retard. the other thing is i find myself to be very aggitated at home. deed aggitates me like crazy, now that her and jimmy have broken up she's back to the way she use to be. crazy, annoying, nagging, repetitive. at least when she starts dating she'll busy in her time off.
i just finishe dreading the bandit queen of india. Really good read! its hard to realize that such things actually exist. and back in indian there's still so much inequality and denial of human rights. but um, yeah...i think i'm pretty messed up. always putting up a front that i so konw what i'm doing and more importantly what i want.
i just finishe dreading the bandit queen of india. Really good read! its hard to realize that such things actually exist. and back in indian there's still so much inequality and denial of human rights. but um, yeah...i think i'm pretty messed up. always putting up a front that i so konw what i'm doing and more importantly what i want.
May 14, 2006
ok, maybe i'm a bit tipsy. yeah i am. but its times like this i wish i had someone to take care of me. i know i'm all 'miss independent' but i feel like being taken care of too sometimes. 24.5 years of my life, 24.5 years of single life.
i want something pure.
i will wait.
i want something pure.
i will wait.
May 12, 2006
Hopefully I'll keep up with this journal thing, but i just had to write down a thought that occured to me about love and they type of love i want out of a relationship. i've been single for a mightly long time. and it's not because guys don't ask me out, its not because i choose to be, but its becuase i'm not finding what i want.
i want a pure love. i want it to be honest. so honest and pure that nothing else matters. pure enought that, that's all i'll need to go on.
...some people want it all, but i don't want nothing at all if it ain't you baby.
i will wait.
i want a pure love. i want it to be honest. so honest and pure that nothing else matters. pure enought that, that's all i'll need to go on.
...some people want it all, but i don't want nothing at all if it ain't you baby.
i will wait.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
May 11, 2006
I've always been one to hold back alot of what I feel because i have this rough exterior where people assume i'm a rock, not sensitive, not emtional, not caring...but its just the impression that i give and its not at all reflective of who i really am. And that's why i need this journal. To be able to express what i truely uncapable of doing that in any other form then writting.
i kept a blog for about 2 years now, but i don't like using the laptop to write down my emotions anymore. i think i've kinda outgrown it.
i've been thinking about a lot of things recently. who i am as a person, my existing relationships and potential future relationships. My faith in God...
So I feel like I believe in a God, I have a huge amount of faith and I believe that everything does happen for a reason. And I also keep genuine relationships. Ever since i was a kid, I hated going to the Gurdwara, but I was forced to do it. My relationship with God was forced. But now I do everything because I want to. My relationship is genuine. Which is key to any relationship I hold. But I feel like, its so hard to balance stuff. Like school sucks and I've continued to fail at it, and I've never ever had a boyfriend, my relationship with my mom is not that great. On top of that I mean I do like about stuff, I drink and I'm not always morally correct...
I don't know. I feel like I need to figure myself out. I think i went through a huge transitional phase a while back and I find figured myself out. But i just feel so lost again. There's a side of me that is a noncompromising, strong, independent woman. There's a part of me thats a deep, emotionaly individual. There's a part of me that's hugely goofy and immautre in the way I behave. And there's the responsible 'good indian girl' part of me too. I just feel like at this point, i'm not really sure who i am. Like what defines me? i have no idea. And i'm not even sure I know how to figure it out.
The other thing, other then trying to figure myself out is the frustration of being single. I try to not let it get to me, but when you have my track record its kinda depressing. I think I have realized a lot about myself and also what i expect from others and my relationship..but i don't know. I still feel confused and lsot.
Maybe its just because I have too much spare time to think about this kind of stuff. If i was busy with work or with school my mind would be preoccupied. But I'm not. I have 4 months off and i feel like i need to define what it is being me. And the thing is I've been online looking for books about independent indian women who defy cultural norms and i do that i think because that's something i want to do. And i have to stop reading novels and just keep thinking about it. i fell like i need to start doing something.
I do feel confined here, living with my parents. I do want to travel, figure myself out and do what i want to do...but then i can't completley let go of the 'good indian girl' thoughts. like i don't wnat to hurt my parents or bring them any shame. I feel like its such a hard balacning act to keep my individuality and keep myself happy and to keep my parents happy too.
I think that's my biggest struggles. And i think i'm doing a crappy job at both.
I have all these dreams about womens rights and the inequality of women in India have to face just because they're women. That somethings that hits so close to home because i'm such a firm believer that women are just as capable and worthy of everything that men are. That's a huge part of me. I am a bit of a feminist, b ut how is a jatt punjabi girl to be a feminist. what am i to do? how? how do i do it and keep my parents happy too? my parents are fufllied by the fact that i'm a computer engineer. i am not.
right now at this point in my life, i think i would get the most fufillment by helping others. helping the less fortunate women and children. i want do do that, but how to i do that here?
and i'm selfish too. i would love to move to india and help, but then i think about how lonely i would be there. but i've always told myself never to feel sorry for myself or my situation, because so many people have it so much worse and no matter how happy people seem on the outside. everybody is hurting for one reaosn or another. so never look to others and compare your life or situation to theirs, things are never as they seem. Never feel sorry for yourself, things could be so much worse.
Keep everything in your life genuine, that is the only way you can be truely happy. Take the time to figure who you are.
WHO AM I??
WHY AM I HERE?? I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALL THIS COMPASSION FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE AND I'M DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT.
DO SOMETHING!
i kept a blog for about 2 years now, but i don't like using the laptop to write down my emotions anymore. i think i've kinda outgrown it.
i've been thinking about a lot of things recently. who i am as a person, my existing relationships and potential future relationships. My faith in God...
So I feel like I believe in a God, I have a huge amount of faith and I believe that everything does happen for a reason. And I also keep genuine relationships. Ever since i was a kid, I hated going to the Gurdwara, but I was forced to do it. My relationship with God was forced. But now I do everything because I want to. My relationship is genuine. Which is key to any relationship I hold. But I feel like, its so hard to balance stuff. Like school sucks and I've continued to fail at it, and I've never ever had a boyfriend, my relationship with my mom is not that great. On top of that I mean I do like about stuff, I drink and I'm not always morally correct...
I don't know. I feel like I need to figure myself out. I think i went through a huge transitional phase a while back and I find figured myself out. But i just feel so lost again. There's a side of me that is a noncompromising, strong, independent woman. There's a part of me thats a deep, emotionaly individual. There's a part of me that's hugely goofy and immautre in the way I behave. And there's the responsible 'good indian girl' part of me too. I just feel like at this point, i'm not really sure who i am. Like what defines me? i have no idea. And i'm not even sure I know how to figure it out.
The other thing, other then trying to figure myself out is the frustration of being single. I try to not let it get to me, but when you have my track record its kinda depressing. I think I have realized a lot about myself and also what i expect from others and my relationship..but i don't know. I still feel confused and lsot.
Maybe its just because I have too much spare time to think about this kind of stuff. If i was busy with work or with school my mind would be preoccupied. But I'm not. I have 4 months off and i feel like i need to define what it is being me. And the thing is I've been online looking for books about independent indian women who defy cultural norms and i do that i think because that's something i want to do. And i have to stop reading novels and just keep thinking about it. i fell like i need to start doing something.
I do feel confined here, living with my parents. I do want to travel, figure myself out and do what i want to do...but then i can't completley let go of the 'good indian girl' thoughts. like i don't wnat to hurt my parents or bring them any shame. I feel like its such a hard balacning act to keep my individuality and keep myself happy and to keep my parents happy too.
I think that's my biggest struggles. And i think i'm doing a crappy job at both.
I have all these dreams about womens rights and the inequality of women in India have to face just because they're women. That somethings that hits so close to home because i'm such a firm believer that women are just as capable and worthy of everything that men are. That's a huge part of me. I am a bit of a feminist, b ut how is a jatt punjabi girl to be a feminist. what am i to do? how? how do i do it and keep my parents happy too? my parents are fufllied by the fact that i'm a computer engineer. i am not.
right now at this point in my life, i think i would get the most fufillment by helping others. helping the less fortunate women and children. i want do do that, but how to i do that here?
and i'm selfish too. i would love to move to india and help, but then i think about how lonely i would be there. but i've always told myself never to feel sorry for myself or my situation, because so many people have it so much worse and no matter how happy people seem on the outside. everybody is hurting for one reaosn or another. so never look to others and compare your life or situation to theirs, things are never as they seem. Never feel sorry for yourself, things could be so much worse.
Keep everything in your life genuine, that is the only way you can be truely happy. Take the time to figure who you are.
WHO AM I??
WHY AM I HERE?? I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALL THIS COMPASSION FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE AND I'M DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT.
DO SOMETHING!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
back for good
it's been a while since i've blogged anything on this. its partly because i got sick of always being on the computer. so i started writing in a journal for the past few months. but i realized, i get sick of writing faster then i do of typing. plus my writing is really messy.
so my last post was right after school...what's happened since. i passed ALL my frikking classes which is like a first for me. so i was quite pleased about that. summer's been good...sister got married, planning a few trips here and there. saw john mayer last night. its funny, because my very very very first post was about john mayer...that was at the peak of my "interest" in him. last night was amazing. i totally want to meet him, but i don't want to do it the groupie way. i'd love to just be able to bump into him, tell him i think his music is amazing and so relatable and to keep up the great work. almost happened today, but my hook up fell short.
have i changed much since my last post? i think i've gone through a bit of self realization. i think i've realized a lot of things about my personality which need to be tweaked. i think i'm too straight forward. there's a way to be straight forward, but there's also a nice way of being straight forward. and i find that i'm too blunt with what i want, and that can rub people the wrong way.
so i think keeping a journal is kinda dangerous with my mom around, because she's so nosey...but i want to keep my memories...so...since i'm a bum, i will type them up and post them on my blog.
because that's right, i'm back. back for good :)
so my last post was right after school...what's happened since. i passed ALL my frikking classes which is like a first for me. so i was quite pleased about that. summer's been good...sister got married, planning a few trips here and there. saw john mayer last night. its funny, because my very very very first post was about john mayer...that was at the peak of my "interest" in him. last night was amazing. i totally want to meet him, but i don't want to do it the groupie way. i'd love to just be able to bump into him, tell him i think his music is amazing and so relatable and to keep up the great work. almost happened today, but my hook up fell short.
have i changed much since my last post? i think i've gone through a bit of self realization. i think i've realized a lot of things about my personality which need to be tweaked. i think i'm too straight forward. there's a way to be straight forward, but there's also a nice way of being straight forward. and i find that i'm too blunt with what i want, and that can rub people the wrong way.
so i think keeping a journal is kinda dangerous with my mom around, because she's so nosey...but i want to keep my memories...so...since i'm a bum, i will type them up and post them on my blog.
because that's right, i'm back. back for good :)
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