last night

price of new red lipgloss: $24
price of dinner: $10
price of drinks: $40

being told your beautiful...its kinda priceless!

i know this is cheese, but its so true! when i was out last night this adorable guy pats my head! i was like, wtf who is this. so i turn around and he was so friendly and cute, i thought maybe i knew him. turns out i don't, he was just trying to get my attention...and he told me i was beautiful! he kinda made my night! :)

BFF!

first of all, i had no idea what BFF stood for until i asked my 20 year old sibling (for those of you who still don't know, it stands for best friends forever).

over the last few weeks i've had 3 people tell me i'm either their best friend or one of their closest friends. now, if this was said to me by somebody who i considered to be a really good friend, i'd have an "aww" moment. but all these titles are coming to me from people who i don't even consider to be my friends!!

wtf is up with that? are people that needy for friends that they consider almost anyone they talk to to be their "good friend". or am i just that amazing of a person that everyone i come in contact with falls in love with me so much that they just gotta make me their BFF. i don't get it. i suppose everyone has their own definition of what a good friend consists of, and apparently i meet these peoples requirements! to me, good friends are people who i speak to on a regular, who i enjoy spending time with, people who i make an effort to spend time with and people who i would call if i ever needed something. they are people who i know would be there for me.

but these 3 people don't fit that category at all. its just bizzare, its like someone telling you that they love you and you don't feel the same way. what are you suppose to do? say it back just because you feel obligated to?

its just so weird to me, i don't get why these people would think that of me. i mean i'm nice to them when i see them, and we talk over msn every now and then (or more recently we write on eachothers walls)...but they're not people who i call to bitch about something in my life when i need to. do some people just need that one person to call their best friend? am i just filler?? lol!

maybe i'm giving this way too much thought (but what else is new), and i should be appreciative of the fact that people consider me to be one of their good friends. it just sucks (and again, i re-iterate, really weird) when your in any type of a relationship and your expectations aren't the same. if these people think i'm their best friend, then obviously they expect certain things from me which i'm not willing to do or give.

ah well, off to one of my BFF's birthday celebrations! whooohooo! (if only i could show you how sarcastic that really was :\)

please stop calling me

telemarketers are getting so clever! i was at home when there was an incoming long distance phone call, i pick up...and its some uncle speaking to me in punjabi and asking for my dad calling him sardar "our last name". so i'm thinking this is some dude from the pindh who my dad knows. my dad wasn't at home, so i ask him who he was...and he was calling asking if we wanted our frikking ducts cleaned!!! WTF?? i said to him in punjabi that we are not at all interested in getting our ducts cleaned...but he kept pressing it. so i kept responding back to him in a more firm tone...and he asks me if i can speak english (i guess that gives an indiciation of how bad my punjabi is). so he says to me "you have a very sweet voice but very bad behaviour" :\

um...since when do telemarketers start giving feedback on how my behaviour is or isn't. these people are so annoying...i understand they're just trying to do their job...but please, please stop calling my house.

biatch!

i ended up going out last night to celebrate the good weather! but while celebrating the weather, i had the most akward moment in my life! you know how there's certain people in your life who you never want to see again. i have 2 people like that in my life (the story goes i acted a fool infront of them and called them out on stuff they did whilst celebrating among mutual friends at an event which was open bar...nuff said). i walk in, and who do i see first! the 2 guys that i never want to see in my life! apparently they're friends with my old work friends! arrgg!

and i think i made things worse...because obviously i know who those guys are...and they know who i am but i chose to ignore them the entire night. i spoke to my friend who was sitting right between them...but not to those 2 guys. and as i was leaving and saying bye to everyone both the guys turned around to say bye to me. and what did i do? totally ignored them. now they're gonna think i'm a biatch on top of being a lightweight.

i just hate that this means i'll still see them around, but i'll never acknowledge them?? b.i.a.t.c.h. i shoulda made peace eh? i was just so embarassed by what i did. and its ok if you embarass yourself infront of friends or infront of people who you'll never see again. but it sucks when you embarass yourself infront of people who you think you'll never see again, but then you do!

in response to my post below

why is it that we're never happy with what we have. we're always looking for happiness in all the wrong places. i have so much in my life, but still i feel sorry for myself because i don't have the things i want.

but take a look at what you do have!!! be more appreciative of what you have. i have so much!!

days like today

i feel like i deserve what i don't have

happy ending

it is indeed a bleak day (friday the 13th none the less) when this song is the most relatable.

happy ending - mika


This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

setting sun

you used to be my everything. i looked up to you, i respected you, i loved you. but you've changed. we've changed. you're never there for me anymore. you're never there to take care of me when i'm hurt or stand up for me when i'm being wronged. you used to be the first person i turned to when i needed to talk or needed some comfort. but now i know i can't expect that from you anymore. and then you wonder why you're not someone i call when i have good news. we're not the same, and we never will be. i will miss everything we had. it hurts to realize that things will never be the same, it hurts to know that you're not who you used to be.

i used to say it would be hard for me to find a husband because of you, because you were such an amazing man...you're the one who built up my expectations. and now i'm left with nothing.

it will never be the same. you will realize this when i'm gone.

you know i'm no good

if you refuse to feel sorry for yourself no matter how bad your situation is...are you unable to feel sorry for others? to sympathize with them?

shake it off

i HAVE A JOB!!! whooohoooo! i got the phone call was told i was their #1 pick! that felt really good :)

i start in 2 weeks...which means....SHOPPING TIME!!!! i'm really excited to finally get on with my life, because i felt like everything had been put on hold because of my shortage of funds. but this also means no more sleeping in, no more bumming around in my sweats when i feel like it, no more no-make up days. regardless of the obvious downfalls of having a job, i'm pretty happy i'll have an income! i got job #1, #2 still hasn't responded to me and its been 3 weeks! i left job#2 a voice message yesterday and i said if i don't hear back by end of day today then i'll be going with my current offer. and as of right now i still haven't heard back. i have no idea whats wrong with job#2 dude. for such a large company they are very unprofessional in their hiring process. i kinda feel like writing an email to job#2 dude to tell him how unprofessional and inconsiderate he was...but i probably shouldn't...but i really want to.

ah well, point is I HAVE A JOB!!!!

something i need more of

Humility is a quality or characteristic ascribed to a person who is considered to be humble. A humble person is generally thought to be unpretentious and modest: someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. Never pretend to be what you're not.

it keeps getting worse

they called someone from the matrimonial section of the punjabi newspaper, gave his family my name and phone number. turns out, he's my closest guy friends brother, whom i've met several times in the past.

i know their intentions are good & i know they are concerned, but please stop embarassing me. i am not that desperate. i don't need them to help, i can do this on my own in my own time. it will happen for me, i know this is what worries them the most. it will happen, i want it to happen. but i don't want anything forced on me, i don't need them to look for me.

please stop.

everything in my life right now looks so bleak. i need a change.

conspiracy!!!

are the devils and the islanders conspiring to keep the leafs out of the playoffs??? i wouldn't be surprised! my money is on the islanders winning today. if the devils lose, they're in the playoffs no matter what. if the islanders lose, the leafs are in and they're out.

i gotta bad feeling about this one! go leafs go!!





oh and ps-why are all hockey players so damn hot??

K.I.S.S.

I wish everyone would follow the philosophy of this phrase instead of complicating life by playing games and over thinking and analyzing things. Ok, maybe its not a philosophy or even a way of life…but some people need to stop looking into other people’s lives in order to make their lives more interesting. Keep your lives simple…stupid :)

I’ve always thought that I could trust people to a certain extent. That if I tell them something that I consider to be frivolous and not worthy of talking about to other people, it won’t get spoken about to other people. But how wrong I am. People will talk about your business no matter how boring and insignificant it is.

I grew up around a lot of Indian people, and I don’t mean to generalize, but they love to gossip. So I went through high school being very guarded with what I said to people, because for all I knew that information could be passed on to other people and be misconstrued along the way. Once I got into university and starting working I let my guard down a little and wasn’t worried about what other people would say or how they would interpret or regurgitate what I would tell them. But now I’m sick of hearing stuff I’ve said come back to me via other people and sound completely different then what I had said. I’m sick of people going around telling other people miniscule details of what I’ve said or what I do. Trust no one. Keep every relation formal and keep conversations with people who you do not consider to be friends to complete fluff. Reveal only generic information.

This realization sucks beyond belief because I try to be a genuine person and keep my relationships “real”, but I’ve been burned one too many times and I’ve learned my lesson.

what goes around comes around

my mom just got off a 2hour phone conversation with her sister. the topic of the conversation is what amused me. they spent the entire 2 hours complaining about their mom (my grandma)! i thought that was hillarious! my grandma lives in india and hasn't been here for about 8 months, and still my mom gets aggitated with her. this just goes to show that no matter how old you are or how far you are from one another, a mother will always get under your skin at one point or another!

the things my mom was complaining about were exactly the same things i complain about my mom when i'm annoyed or aggitated with her. i've always thought my mom and my grandma were very similar. so...what does that mean? my mom complains about her mom, and in my opinion my mom and grandma are very much alike. i complain about my mom like crazy...so...will i eventually turn into my mom?

scary.