I figured it out

I figured out why I'm feeling like something is suppose to happen. It's because I'm not happy about where I am in my life right now. Well actually only where 2 components of my life are right now. One being my career. Yes I am working, but I don't really enjoy what I'm doing. I'm unhappy. I'll stay at my current job until I get a new job because money is money, but I'm already slacking and not completing my work. I hate that I'm neglecting my work...but I have no motivation to do it.

Second is my singledom. I enjoy going out with my friends which I do quite often. But it would be great to meet a normal indian guy. It's just been way too long. And usually the summertime is when I meet more guys, and it's OVER and I've met NOBODY!

Those two things aren't where I thought I would be. I think I've finally got to a point where I'm happy about who I am as a person and the people I have in my life...but I'm not happy with my career and I'm not happy about the lack of cute brown boys in my life!! I thought by this point I would be on the right path to developing my career and at least have a guy on the horizon, but I have neither right now.

Maybe there is something on the horizon but I just don't see it yet. But I'm tired telling myself that too. I'm tired of telling myself that I need to be patient, I want something to happen. Like. Now.

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Don't you think I know who I am?

I went through some old posts to see if there was stuff I had written in the past that I could relate to right now - old feelings that just keep re-occuring. And there definately is, but what was weird was after looking back at how I was and how I felt at that time I now have such a better understanding of why I am the way I am.

I think I'm selfish now.

I used to be such a considerate person. Always thinking about others whenever I was doing anything. If I was ever out and saw something that they might like, I’d pick it up without even thinking about it twice. I’d go the extra mile for people for special occasions, not really caring about how much it would cost me or how much time it would take. But I can honestly say that I don't do that anymore, I’ve lost those feelings.

And it sucks.

Sometimes I wish I could get those feelings back, but I know I would end up in the same place i was in 3 years ago. Underappreciated, sad and confused. I wish things were different but it is what it is.

I know my past experiences have made me who I am today, and a lot of good has come out of the hard times I’ve been through. But I can honestly say I'm starting to miss that part of me that was thoughtful and considerate towards others. I’ve become more selfish then how I’ve been in the past. That irks me. But I know if I was to change, I would just get burned again. So what can i do about it? Be considerate and not expect anything back in return? I can't do that. I can't not get emotionally attached and have some sort of expectations from certain people in my life.

I guess this is just the way I am right now.

Rush

I don't know why but I feel so uneasy about so many things in my life and it’s definitely effecting the way I am with friends, at home and at work. I can't explain it. I feel like rushing something to happen...but I don't know what.

Waiting for something big to happen? Something life changing. But how can that change come if I’m standing still and don't know where to go?

New Obsession - Fall Out Boy

I know they're pretty mainstream and top 40 but i adore their new album! Been meaning to check them out live, but have missed them the 2 times they've been to Toronto.

Although I must add, that whenever I do go to these types of concerts...I feel really old! I guess their music attracts a younger crowd? I don't know, but I went to go check out the All American Rejects last year and I swear I was the oldest person there...or at least looked like the oldest person there. But regardless, that won't dampen my desire to see these boys live.

Fall Out Boy :)

peer pressure

i'm so easily influenced its ridiculous! i went to the salon to get a *trim* and some bangs. i come out with the shortest hair i've ever had. :\

luckily, i like it! :D

i love my stylist, she convinced me to go super short and i was a bit uneasy at first...but of course i caved and went with whatever she said and i love it! sometimes peer pressure ain't all that bad :)

drama

no matter how much you try to avoid it there will always be some sort of drama in your life. whether it be drama from work, your friends or your family...there will always be people or events that will overcomplicate the smallest of things, which will inevitably and ultimately derail any plans you might of had of living a simplistic lifestyle.

people always make a big deal out of small things which results in making everyone around them unhappy. why do people cause drama? it doesn't do anybody any good! it ruins relationships and that is tragically unavoidable.

regardless of how hard you try to keep drama out of your life, it will always find a way to seep in and ruin any peace you may of had.