i hate it when people make references to things and i have no idea what they're talking about - but i just laugh to make things not akward. lord knows what i'm actually laughing at.

vulnerable

i'm sitting in my hotel room by myself and i honestly feel like i wish there was someone here with me. i feel like i need someone to make me feel better and the whole idea of needing someone is making me feel vulnerable. i've been feeling like i really do wish there was someone around who is just there for me. i have my family and i have my friends - but i still feel lonely. i'm surrounded by people who i have a good time with while i'm out here - but its just not cutting it these days.

maybe it follows up from my previous post about not really posting anything with any real substance - i feel like i've been lacking a relationship with any real substance for a while now. and again...its catching up with me. i've been noticing the smallest things that couples do - and even though some couples might not even realize what they're doing - i see it - and i feel like i want that. and seeing these small gestures isn't really helping me feel any better.

nothing i can really do it about it at this point...but having that would be nice.

clarity

it's been a while since i've written anything with even the slightest bit of substance - and it's all caught up in me now...so here goes

i've been super stressed out at work as of late. i'm 5 months new - and by the 2nd week of april i have 3 major, high visibility projects to launch and execute. i am managing them from every angle possible - however - i am not technically a "manager". i do not have that title or that salary. and more and more that's something that is agitating me. i know i'm young - and i'm grateful for the position that i have in my company right now - but i feel like i'm doing 2 peoples jobs. the job of an analyst and the job of a manager...and its killing me. i have the drive to take on major projects and see them through successfully, however i'm hurting myself while doing it. my social life as of late in almost non-existent, i've never *EVER* had headaches in my life before - but i find i have a headache almost every single day these days, i'm irritable and have little patience when i'm at home and i feel like the stress is becoming more and more visible on my face and skin.

so i was thinking about getting a 6 month evaluation done by my manager (who is a senior manager) and actually asking for a promotion. the deal is - i was actually hired for a managers role - but b/c of my "inexperience" i was given a slightly lower title and salary. now, i feel like i'm fulfilling the role of a manager and then some and i'm not being compensated for it. i don't care how old i am and how much experience i do or do not have - at the end of the day i'm working my ass off to get a lot of shit done and other "managers" on my team have 1/2 my workload!

i'm just fearful of coming off sounding greedy and ungrateful. i'm not in it just for the money - however i feel like i'm being overworked and underpaid. would i feel better if i was getting paid more? of course. would i feel better with the manager title next to my name? hellz yes. but when it all boils down - i am doing manager level work and i should be compensated as such.

work is taking over my life and its sad to see it all go down. i'm hoping after april is done i will be able to take a breather - and hopefully a vacation. i need some time to just do nothing. lie on a beach, get a tan & drink. my weekends are my only escape - that is of course - when i don't work on the weekends.

*sighs*

i can only hope it gets better.

I really appreciate

men who own nice watches