looking back on my new years resolution post i can safely say that i did indeed meet my resolutions. i did travel to more then one european country and across canada and some parts of the US...my summer was also packed with plays, shows, concerts, theatre and other really interesting artsy type events.
so, my resolution for 2009? well the first is to say yes to every guy that does ask me out. but the second...is that i want to be more positive. i'm a very skeptical person and although thats OK because it is part of my personality, i kinda want to lessen it. i have a sarcastic sense of humor, which will always come across as being slightly negative (or mean, as i've been told before)...but i do want to be less skeptical and more supportive.
i guess its not something i'll really be able to quantify at the end of 2009 but hopefully there will be a slight difference. i'll still be using my blog to bitch though - i need to release my negative energy somewhere!
happy new year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
ATTENTION!
teehee.
here's the deal with the dating game. women, on a regular get dressed up and make themselves look great for two reasons. one is so they can feel good about themselves, and the second is so they can get some attention. now i know there are women out there who say, i don't do it for the attention from the opposite sex - i do it strictly for myself. but if you're a single woman, then its almost inevitable that at least a small portion of dressing up is to get attention from men.
so here's my problem, and maybe...maybe, a small percentage of women can relate. i hate getting attention. i mean, once in a while its nice...but usually i like to go unnoticed. i know i could dress up to work and turn heads, but i usually don't because when i do get attention i feel akward. i know it should probably make me feel confident and what not, but it doesn't. i would say about 80% of the time, when i do get attention from men it makes me feel akward. so coming into work i'm pretty dressed down - however...the thing is, when i'm dressed down and i get attention from men, i feel great!
here's the deal with the dating game. women, on a regular get dressed up and make themselves look great for two reasons. one is so they can feel good about themselves, and the second is so they can get some attention. now i know there are women out there who say, i don't do it for the attention from the opposite sex - i do it strictly for myself. but if you're a single woman, then its almost inevitable that at least a small portion of dressing up is to get attention from men.
so here's my problem, and maybe...maybe, a small percentage of women can relate. i hate getting attention. i mean, once in a while its nice...but usually i like to go unnoticed. i know i could dress up to work and turn heads, but i usually don't because when i do get attention i feel akward. i know it should probably make me feel confident and what not, but it doesn't. i would say about 80% of the time, when i do get attention from men it makes me feel akward. so coming into work i'm pretty dressed down - however...the thing is, when i'm dressed down and i get attention from men, i feel great!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
history
how important is your dating partners history? does it matter that they've liked a lot of people in the past (and you're aware of who they have liked), or how many people they have dated, slept with etc?
i don't know what my personal stance is. i feel like someone who has done much of any of the things listed above (liked, dated, slept with) is a bit flimsy no? makes you feel not so special because they've had feelings for so many other people in the past.
i don't know what my personal stance is. i feel like someone who has done much of any of the things listed above (liked, dated, slept with) is a bit flimsy no? makes you feel not so special because they've had feelings for so many other people in the past.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
the year of yes
a friend told me about this book a while ago, and although i'm hesitant to purchase it (because i really don't want to know how it ends) the concept got me thinking.
so basically the book is about a woman who says yes to a every man that asks her out on a date...and i feel like doing a similar experiment. not to say that i'm jonsing for dates, but i do find i don't go out with a lot of people based on either preconceived notions, "vibes", first impressions etc. and there's a bit of realization that sometimes i could be wrong. sometimes i could misread someone or get the wrong impression. and i shouldn't judge - thats something i was working on in 2008 - and 2009 will just take that to another level.
the only condition i have to saying no - is if the guy is creepy! but other then that i'm going to give everyone a blank slate and go out with them at least once.
this should be interesting.
so basically the book is about a woman who says yes to a every man that asks her out on a date...and i feel like doing a similar experiment. not to say that i'm jonsing for dates, but i do find i don't go out with a lot of people based on either preconceived notions, "vibes", first impressions etc. and there's a bit of realization that sometimes i could be wrong. sometimes i could misread someone or get the wrong impression. and i shouldn't judge - thats something i was working on in 2008 - and 2009 will just take that to another level.
the only condition i have to saying no - is if the guy is creepy! but other then that i'm going to give everyone a blank slate and go out with them at least once.
this should be interesting.
Friday, December 19, 2008
end of an...era?
i could be witnessing the end of one of the longest running fantasies in the history of mankind.
ok - i'm blowing it slightly out of proporation. but still, it could all end tonight.
ok - i'm blowing it slightly out of proporation. but still, it could all end tonight.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
wrong person...wrong person
alright. so i know i've been using my blog as of late to vent about how shitty my current situation is. everything is generally OK i suppose. but what makes me sometimes depressed is my boy situation. its not that i don't have guys interested in me. whats worse is that i have guys who i'm not into...into me.
example one: lets call him sam. a friend actually set us up, we did the whole exchange emails->pics->number etc. right from the start i wasn't really attracted to him, but i figured i should be open minded and get to know him better. we've been out twice and the thing is i'm still not physically attracted to him...but i'm not attracted to his personality either...AT ALL! he does not make me laugh, i find him to be kinda boring to be honest. i mean he can hold a conversation, but its just so pleasant that it makes me sick! since the last time we've met up he's emailed me and called me a couple of times. i'm thinking i'll email him back and either tell him i'm not interested or come up with an excuse about how work is getting really busy (or something along those lines).
example two: lets call him gary. i actually met this guy via an online dating site at least 2 years ago. we never exchanged pictures, but we did speak over the phone quite a bit. i kept mentioning that we should meet up (at that point JUST AS FRIENDS) and he was never up for it. recently he added me to facebook and we've kinda got back in touch. thing is, he has pictures up on his facebook and i'm not attracted to him attttt alllllllllllll. and he's now harassing me wanting to meet up. his latest text was "when are you going to let me ask you out" and i'm thinking...um, how about NEVER.
the dude i was bummed about previously - who i thought saw my pictures and never emailed me back actually did email me back. turns out he never got my message and his email is f'ed up so he's given me another email account blah blah blah. so we're still in touch...which is OK.
but my point is that it makes me feel even worse about myself by having all these guys that i'm not interested in, interested in me! i would much rather have nobody interested in me you know. it just makes my situation feel much more dire when the "potentials" i have in my life are super sucky.
example one: lets call him sam. a friend actually set us up, we did the whole exchange emails->pics->number etc. right from the start i wasn't really attracted to him, but i figured i should be open minded and get to know him better. we've been out twice and the thing is i'm still not physically attracted to him...but i'm not attracted to his personality either...AT ALL! he does not make me laugh, i find him to be kinda boring to be honest. i mean he can hold a conversation, but its just so pleasant that it makes me sick! since the last time we've met up he's emailed me and called me a couple of times. i'm thinking i'll email him back and either tell him i'm not interested or come up with an excuse about how work is getting really busy (or something along those lines).
example two: lets call him gary. i actually met this guy via an online dating site at least 2 years ago. we never exchanged pictures, but we did speak over the phone quite a bit. i kept mentioning that we should meet up (at that point JUST AS FRIENDS) and he was never up for it. recently he added me to facebook and we've kinda got back in touch. thing is, he has pictures up on his facebook and i'm not attracted to him attttt alllllllllllll. and he's now harassing me wanting to meet up. his latest text was "when are you going to let me ask you out" and i'm thinking...um, how about NEVER.
the dude i was bummed about previously - who i thought saw my pictures and never emailed me back actually did email me back. turns out he never got my message and his email is f'ed up so he's given me another email account blah blah blah. so we're still in touch...which is OK.
but my point is that it makes me feel even worse about myself by having all these guys that i'm not interested in, interested in me! i would much rather have nobody interested in me you know. it just makes my situation feel much more dire when the "potentials" i have in my life are super sucky.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
LOST: my enthusiasm
i'm bored. with life.
i have no enthusiasm in me for work, friends, family...nothing. i feel like i can just stay in bed for hours on end and not get out.
unfortunately, i do have to go into work everyday. but i feel so very blahhhhh :(
i have no enthusiasm in me for work, friends, family...nothing. i feel like i can just stay in bed for hours on end and not get out.
unfortunately, i do have to go into work everyday. but i feel so very blahhhhh :(
Monday, December 08, 2008
fate
some things you work for and others just seem to fall into place. so what can you attribute entirely up to fate and what falls into the "others" category.
i know i've blogged about this before - but really. the job i have now...is awesome. of course i saw the opening, applied and went through the interview process - that was all hard work. BUT - i hadn't even heard of this company until an ex-colleague of mine got a job here and told me about it while working at my previous shiteous job. so is that fate? the fact that i got a crappy job before getting my now wicked (*knock on wood*) job?
ok - my point is, can you really leave some things up to fate? can you trust that the universe will align up perfectly at one point or another and work in your favor? or is that all a bunch of BS and you actually have to work your ass off for everything you want in life. whether its money, men, career advancement, education advancement etc?
see. things like work and education i can see hard work paying off. but also, being at the right place at the right time...which we really can't make any effort for. and then, there's men. do i need to work at that or just assume that things will fall into place when they're meant to be.
you meet certain people in your life and its my belief that they're in your life for a reason. they come and go, but in the brief or extended period that they're there...they bring a life lesson for you, could be good or bad. but you learn something or get something out of it.
so basically what i'm asking is - why haven't i met you yet. do i need to work at it? and if i do - what should i do? or should i just sit back and assume things will fall into place?
drunken rant over.
i know i've blogged about this before - but really. the job i have now...is awesome. of course i saw the opening, applied and went through the interview process - that was all hard work. BUT - i hadn't even heard of this company until an ex-colleague of mine got a job here and told me about it while working at my previous shiteous job. so is that fate? the fact that i got a crappy job before getting my now wicked (*knock on wood*) job?
ok - my point is, can you really leave some things up to fate? can you trust that the universe will align up perfectly at one point or another and work in your favor? or is that all a bunch of BS and you actually have to work your ass off for everything you want in life. whether its money, men, career advancement, education advancement etc?
see. things like work and education i can see hard work paying off. but also, being at the right place at the right time...which we really can't make any effort for. and then, there's men. do i need to work at that or just assume that things will fall into place when they're meant to be.
you meet certain people in your life and its my belief that they're in your life for a reason. they come and go, but in the brief or extended period that they're there...they bring a life lesson for you, could be good or bad. but you learn something or get something out of it.
so basically what i'm asking is - why haven't i met you yet. do i need to work at it? and if i do - what should i do? or should i just sit back and assume things will fall into place?
drunken rant over.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
unconditionally
it's very rare that you come across an unconditional love...and i realize that more so now then i did a few months ago.
for someone to accept you whole heartedly for who you are - even if you've gained a few pounds, got a really bad haircut, acted irrationally for no reason or whatever it may be...for someone to be there and still love you is uncommon.
must feel nice when you do find that though...
for someone to accept you whole heartedly for who you are - even if you've gained a few pounds, got a really bad haircut, acted irrationally for no reason or whatever it may be...for someone to be there and still love you is uncommon.
must feel nice when you do find that though...
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
tipping point
ohhh the games we play! i know there's always going to be drama at work but this is the first time i've been so in the thick of things.
i've complained about this dude at work who i have to work very closely with. but things are getting pretty extreme as of late. apparently he thinks i push back on minor issues, whereas i'm just trying to get the point across that i'm not his admin assitant. he asks me to forward emails, co-ordiante meetings and track messages that he's sent out...when really...these are all minor and trivial items he can do himself.
so NOW - he's pushing back on me over minor trivial things as well, thinking its going to make me look bad. well. here's the thing buddy. i know how to play the game and i will NEVER allow myself to look bad infront of anyone. you're the one with the reputation of idiocity, not me. you're the one who has complaints against you from other people, not me. you should be trying to get me on your side, but instead you're stooping to immature levels just so you think you can make a point.
but the unfortunate truth is that i get what it is that you're trying to do. and trust me - i ain't about to let it happen. i can play the game and come out on top. you are so messing with the wrong person.
and its sad to think he's at least 20 years older then me, i would hope he would have learned some professionalism by now. maybe he wants to make someone other then himself look bad. i don't know. maybe he's just a jerk or maybe he just thinks i'm i bitch. either way, i'm not dealing with being treated this way. and if he wants to try to make me look bad at work (which is my biggest professional pet peeve), then he has another thing coming.
i've complained about this dude at work who i have to work very closely with. but things are getting pretty extreme as of late. apparently he thinks i push back on minor issues, whereas i'm just trying to get the point across that i'm not his admin assitant. he asks me to forward emails, co-ordiante meetings and track messages that he's sent out...when really...these are all minor and trivial items he can do himself.
so NOW - he's pushing back on me over minor trivial things as well, thinking its going to make me look bad. well. here's the thing buddy. i know how to play the game and i will NEVER allow myself to look bad infront of anyone. you're the one with the reputation of idiocity, not me. you're the one who has complaints against you from other people, not me. you should be trying to get me on your side, but instead you're stooping to immature levels just so you think you can make a point.
but the unfortunate truth is that i get what it is that you're trying to do. and trust me - i ain't about to let it happen. i can play the game and come out on top. you are so messing with the wrong person.
and its sad to think he's at least 20 years older then me, i would hope he would have learned some professionalism by now. maybe he wants to make someone other then himself look bad. i don't know. maybe he's just a jerk or maybe he just thinks i'm i bitch. either way, i'm not dealing with being treated this way. and if he wants to try to make me look bad at work (which is my biggest professional pet peeve), then he has another thing coming.
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