mentors

i just realized how important it is to have a mentor in you life. someone you can go to for advice and who is looking out for your best interests. i can't say i've had one in my personal life lean on my friends and family for advice. but there hasn't been one person who i would go to.

however, from a career perspective i now realize that i did have a mentor at one point and its something i lack right now. and i feel to really progress my career and make sure it stays on the right track, i need one. but how do you go about asking someone to be your mentor? i have someone in mind that i'd like to approach, but he works for a different company. we did have a conversation about mentors and the lack of one in my career...he also said he doesn't mind being other peoples mentors because he's been fortunate enough to have good mentors lead him in the right direction. is that a sign or a message that he wouldn't mind being my mentor? but again, how do you even have that conversation with someone especially if they don't even work for the same company as you? whats the process?

i'm not sure - but i think its something i need to experiment with. because, i feel like i need some guidance.

give me more

i go through phases where sometimes i'm completely content with the way things are in my life (as i should be: great job, great city, greaty family, great friends...you get my drift), but sometimes i feel like i want more. i want to see more and do more. i want to travel more, i want to meet new people. not be in the same city for more then a month at a time unless i want to be.

i know i've had this feeling before where i feel confined. i want to see so much of the world and become a "bigger" person...i want my life to be more dynamic and less static.

just an update

things are looking up. way up.

:)

wow.

i have never been involved in so much drama in my life. there's so much shit going down in the past 48 hours, i've even been told to "go to hell".

its completely unwarranted (obviously) - but it still makes me feel like shit that there's someone out there who dislikes me that much and is throwing false accusations out there in the world.

i can't believe at my age i'm having to deal with this. i'm shaking my head right now as i reflect on these recent events. its so shitty and even though i'm totally not at fault, all these drama is just bringing me down.

i wish i could go into more detail but its just so damn complicated.

:(

problem?

i am more passionate about my career than meeting the right person and getting married.

i want both...but i have more passion and drive to accomplish my career goals more so then my personal ones.

feeling it

i just realized that i've wanted things...but i haven't felt like i've wanted it. i just say it and then i think thats it.

but there are things in my life that i've wanted, and i've felt like i've wanted it...and i've received it.

then there are things that i say i want and i don't get it. and looking back, i think its because i didn't feel it.

"your wish is my command"

can't forget that.

new rules

1. i will never hook up with a brown guy while on vacation.

2. i will expect less of my friends.

babe...wtf?

so when on vacation i met some boys from new york and surrounding area. one of the dudes added me to facebook immediately (i don't know why but i'm always giving my email address out to people i meet). so we exchanged a couple of pleasantries over fb, but i decided to get in touch with him more recently because of the idea of coming down to nyc. i wanted to get a heads up about a few things. we ended up swapping msn addresses and started talking to eachother over IM.

now, i in no way am giving him any indication that i'm into him. i make fun of him (as my usual personality), told him he has a "boyfriend" and call him geek and other nuances along those lines. so today i just messaged him to ask "whats up" and his response, "not much babe, just working"

wtf.

babe? i don't appreciate being called that. and what does that imply? if it implies anthing? i mean he didn't follow that up with anything that suggested something other then a friendly conversation. but - i hate being called babe...and especially by a random person!

weird.