i'm such a loser when it comes to dating. this is why i'm single. so there's this guy who i'm actually interested in, and looking back on our conversations - he is definitely interested in me. he was dropping subtle hints left right and centre. but i didn't drop any hints what so ever. and barely even acknowledged his.
but then i'm wondering why he hasn't directly asked me out again. and i'm thinking...who would when you can't at all ready whether or not i'm into you? i don't know why i do this. this is actually the first guy in a while i've actually wanted to go on a second date with and i'm being so guarded :(
i guess at least i realize it myself so hopefully i can nip it in the bud and try to be a bit more flirty. gawd - why am i so difficult??
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
back to normal!
i feel like i'm back! the old me is back! it happened today!
basically since about march i've been feeling pretty shitty at work. the main (and possibly only) reason is there are some biatches at work who were bringing me down. they kept discrediting me and my opinions - making it seem like i wasn't bringing any value to projects.
and you know what - it got me down. it broke my confidence a bit. but i'm soooo back now! i don't care what other people think of me because i know i do a wicked job at everything. and no matter where you go, there's always going to be haters and they will try to bring you down. and they might succeed, but you need to know yourself better then that. so i definitely went through a work slump, but i feel so much better now.
stupid biatches bringing me down! BRING IT ON!
basically since about march i've been feeling pretty shitty at work. the main (and possibly only) reason is there are some biatches at work who were bringing me down. they kept discrediting me and my opinions - making it seem like i wasn't bringing any value to projects.
and you know what - it got me down. it broke my confidence a bit. but i'm soooo back now! i don't care what other people think of me because i know i do a wicked job at everything. and no matter where you go, there's always going to be haters and they will try to bring you down. and they might succeed, but you need to know yourself better then that. so i definitely went through a work slump, but i feel so much better now.
stupid biatches bringing me down! BRING IT ON!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
say whaaaa?
does this make me the most undatable person in the world?
i don't really care to return phone calls of guys who i'm "talking" to. i just want them to call.
it lets me know that they're still interested in me. even though i may not be interested in them...i kinda want to know that i'm desirable by men.
thats messed up eh?
single for life? maybe so my friends. maybe so.
and thats right - 2 posts in one day! BOOOYA!
i don't really care to return phone calls of guys who i'm "talking" to. i just want them to call.
it lets me know that they're still interested in me. even though i may not be interested in them...i kinda want to know that i'm desirable by men.
thats messed up eh?
single for life? maybe so my friends. maybe so.
and thats right - 2 posts in one day! BOOOYA!
i know you want me, you know i want you, i know you waaant me, i know i want you
i know exactly what i want to happen - and no i'm not talking about a boy. i'm talking about a career change.
there's this job i want. and i know the company is interested in me, perhaps not to fill that particular position - but in general they want me on their side.
but things are so out of my hands that it makes me nervous. i want to get a call to say come down for an interview. i want to blow everyone out of the water because the pre-conception is that i'm not experienced enough for this position. i want to get a call back for a 2nd interview. i want to blow more people out of the water and convince them that i am indeed the right person for this job. i want them to offer me the job and i want to be able to resign my current job.
that's how i want it all to happen. get that universe?! i want this to happen!
there's this job i want. and i know the company is interested in me, perhaps not to fill that particular position - but in general they want me on their side.
but things are so out of my hands that it makes me nervous. i want to get a call to say come down for an interview. i want to blow everyone out of the water because the pre-conception is that i'm not experienced enough for this position. i want to get a call back for a 2nd interview. i want to blow more people out of the water and convince them that i am indeed the right person for this job. i want them to offer me the job and i want to be able to resign my current job.
that's how i want it all to happen. get that universe?! i want this to happen!
Monday, May 18, 2009
my rock
i miss having you around. i miss having a positive influence around, someone who i could go to and talk to when i need lifting up.
i feel like a lot of my friends depend on me for advice, direction and even to make them feel better. and i don't resent any of that, i mean i love to be there for my friends...but right now there isn't one person who i truly truly believe can do the same for me.
i don't know why i'm feeling sorry for myself, but i am. i don't even know if it would make a difference if that person was closer. maybe i miss the idea of it being ideal.
i don't know what i'm thinking or feeling, or blog-moping about. but i am feeling down. and the one person who i would always go to isn't close by. and my friends who depend on me for everything...i don't depend on them the same way. because maybe i don't trust them as much as i would want to.
i do find myself hiding more and more stuff from my friends. not major things, but things in general. which typically in the past i never would.
ugh - so a random post. i'm going through something and it very well may just be PMS - but i feel kinda lost. and whenever i feel lost, i feel like getting away.
i feel like a lot of my friends depend on me for advice, direction and even to make them feel better. and i don't resent any of that, i mean i love to be there for my friends...but right now there isn't one person who i truly truly believe can do the same for me.
i don't know why i'm feeling sorry for myself, but i am. i don't even know if it would make a difference if that person was closer. maybe i miss the idea of it being ideal.
i don't know what i'm thinking or feeling, or blog-moping about. but i am feeling down. and the one person who i would always go to isn't close by. and my friends who depend on me for everything...i don't depend on them the same way. because maybe i don't trust them as much as i would want to.
i do find myself hiding more and more stuff from my friends. not major things, but things in general. which typically in the past i never would.
ugh - so a random post. i'm going through something and it very well may just be PMS - but i feel kinda lost. and whenever i feel lost, i feel like getting away.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
timing
why is it that i meet the ideal guy in the most unideal time.
case in point: dude #1.
met him while on vacation last summer. he was totally my type of guy. an engineer, tall, kinda geeky but still very cool. we spent 2 days together and we hit it off. but he lives in england and i don't. and neither of us wanted to be in long distance relationships, so it ended when our vacation ended.
but i do still think of him from time to time and how ideal it could have been. even physically he was so my type. ugh - makes me sick.
ok. case in point again: dude #2.
met him tonight - at a club none the less. he turns out to be half indian, half white, an engineer, super cute, we love the same type of music and have the same interests and background (we both played in band in high school) etc. but he has a girlfriend. which i obviosuly don't find out from him, but from a friend of mine who was talking to a friend of his. we didn't do anything other then talk - but i mean, he so seemed like my "ideal" type. but again the timing was off.
when will it be right? when will things just fall into place?
case in point: dude #1.
met him while on vacation last summer. he was totally my type of guy. an engineer, tall, kinda geeky but still very cool. we spent 2 days together and we hit it off. but he lives in england and i don't. and neither of us wanted to be in long distance relationships, so it ended when our vacation ended.
but i do still think of him from time to time and how ideal it could have been. even physically he was so my type. ugh - makes me sick.
ok. case in point again: dude #2.
met him tonight - at a club none the less. he turns out to be half indian, half white, an engineer, super cute, we love the same type of music and have the same interests and background (we both played in band in high school) etc. but he has a girlfriend. which i obviosuly don't find out from him, but from a friend of mine who was talking to a friend of his. we didn't do anything other then talk - but i mean, he so seemed like my "ideal" type. but again the timing was off.
when will it be right? when will things just fall into place?
Monday, May 04, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
leader
i often find myself thinking about my career and how i would like to progress it. and up until now i've never had any direct reports but i do think about how i would be as a manager. because obviously i have a manager and i've worked on projects that other people manage and i can see now certain characteristics that would make a manager successful and ones that wouldn't.
encouragement, appreciation, guidance, openness are key. i hate working with people who don't have these, they making working with/for them so miserable. when (and its only a matter of time!) i have direct reports, i want to make sure i get the job done, but i'm likeable at the same time.
hard balance though.
encouragement, appreciation, guidance, openness are key. i hate working with people who don't have these, they making working with/for them so miserable. when (and its only a matter of time!) i have direct reports, i want to make sure i get the job done, but i'm likeable at the same time.
hard balance though.
better when you're skinny
so i've lost a bit of weight recently, i've never been really over weight...but i can very easily be classified as "healthy". but since the beginning of this year i've lost about 15lbs which now puts me in the "average" weight bracket for women my height. and you know how most people think that when you lose some weight guys treat you differently - they may be nicer or pay more attention to you then they did before. well. i'm definitely getting that now...but from my MOM!
i swear, my mom is so frikking nice to me these days but i know its because i've lost weight because she talks about it to me like every single day! how flipping retarded is that? i mean i love being treated well by my mom and hells yeah i'm going to milk it...but i think it just goes to show how superficial my mom is. it feels terrible to write that about my mom, but its sooooooooo true.
i swear, my mom is so frikking nice to me these days but i know its because i've lost weight because she talks about it to me like every single day! how flipping retarded is that? i mean i love being treated well by my mom and hells yeah i'm going to milk it...but i think it just goes to show how superficial my mom is. it feels terrible to write that about my mom, but its sooooooooo true.
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